My new life

Since I have nothing better to do, I pay attention. My eyes are open now; they started cracking three days after I started my new life. My hearing is pretty good, too. I even have teeth now and have found that nibbling is good fun.

At any rate, here's what I know: I live with a person woman. She's a freak. She worries all the time. But, she's warm (as in body temperature) and she pays me a lot of attention. I like these things about her. She used to keep me in a small box lined with paper towels, but her brother brought her a terrarium and that's where I live now. I have a metal wheel, a water bottle that I don't use, a cardboard tube which I do use, a hiding box, two pinecones and a bowl to play in. Also, there is usually fresh grass in the corner. I hate it. I hate it all. As soon as the woman walks by (let's call her Biggun, shall we? It's cute), I jump up and start yelling for her. She washes her hands and picks me up. She knows she's not supposed to do this; she's been told. She does it anyhow. It seems she's the wild creature, not I. Once I'm being held, I'm happy. Sometimes she puts me in her pocket where it's nice and warm. Sometimes she sticks me in a ball and I can run around slamming into things and it doesn't really hurt. Sometimes she lets me just run around free on the floor, but only if she's watching me. This past weekend, she let me play outside. I hated it. I found her right away and scurried up the pant leg. That will teach her!

My big goal is to become more coordinated and quick so that I can run about with great speed. I'm fascinated with the so-called "power cords", but she stops me before I can even get to them. One day, though...

Many other people have come to visit me. I appear to be quite the attraction. Of course, they all fall in love with me immediately. Have I mentioned that people think I'm adorable? Anyhow, I enjoy running up their clothes to the warm spots; it makes them squeak and squirm. It's a bit like being back in the ol' nest.

I listen to Biggun talk. I like to curl up on her shirt while she's on the phone. It's very soothing plus I can keep up on gossip. She used to say that as soon as I was eating solid food, she was putting me in squirrel rehab so that I could be reintroduced to the wild. Let me just say: I don't THINK so!! She says it's cruel to keep wild animals in cages and away from their natural environments. She doesn't think it's legal to have wild animals in captivity. She's pretty sure I'm going to grow up and rip her arm off. But, look at it this way: I hate dirt. I love to cuddle. She put a bunch of dirt in my cage and I freaked. I mean FREAKED! It's not soft! It's not warm! I'd rather burrow into my newspaper shavings and bits of cloth. Even better, I'd prefer curling on Biggun's lap while she reads or watches movies! She also says she was told that I'm going to become mean when I reach sexual maturity. But, all teenagers are hard to deal with. Let's not even worry about that right now. My plan: never wean. It's like a sick Peter Pan Complex, I know, but a squirrel's gotta do what a squirrel's gotta do!

She's been feeding me kitten milk substitute, watering it down. She started adding Soy milk. I don't know why. Like I said, this girl is a freak. She's heard that kitten milk is good for me. She's heard it will kill me. I'm not dead and I've been living on this stuff for a little over three weeks. I think I'm going to be Ok.

You know, I've also given some thought to pretending to be crippled in some way. I mean, you can't release a crippled animal back into the wild, right? It would die a horrible and scary death! That would be cruel! Thus, I throw myself wildly from high places, such as the top of my hiding box or wheel or from Biggun's lap in hopes of mildly spraining or twisting something. Yes, I realize these are rash measures, but really, why would I want to live in the ground by myself always worried about foxes and hawks? Why? What would make me want to gather or hunt my own food (I'm supposed to add grasshoppers and mice to my diet when I grow up. Right now, that sounds foul. Bananas, on the other paw...) And who would sing to me (I did mention her freakishness, right?)? My new life is fine the way it is. I don't intend on letting that change any time soon.